How I use philosophy to improve my motivation and wellbeing

Strategic philosophical maximalism and minimalism; dancing with infinity and the void

Summary

• I have often found myself drawn to certain philosophical conclusions that suggest that various important parts of my experience  (e.g. the self, free will, morality) are illusory, wholly subjective, or conceptually incoherent.

• These philosophical conclusions get weirdly distorted, when interpreted through the mind of a human that feels the existence of the concept very deeply. (e.g. instead of feeling like free will is an “illusion”, I just feel like I am a bit less in control and a little less responsible)

• However, the change in perspective that the philosophical conclusion can bring, can be emotionally helpful (even if the new perspective isn’t any more or less “true”)

• This emotional impact of philosophy means I can use it strategically to feel better, or change my behaviour. I do this by either reflecting on the ways in which (in some philosophical sense) I have none of the thing that is causing grief (minimalism), or if I have too little of something, I can reflect on the ways in which I have a tonne of it (maximalism).

• I think that the emotional impact of these philosophical conclusions is one of the main things that I get out of “doing philosophy”, and suspect this is the case for many others too.

I tried to do a philosophy and it made me feel better

I have been pretty obsessed with philosophy for as long as I can remember. As a teenager I thought a lot about the nature of mind. I remember spending a bunch of time trying to figure out issues of personal identity. I felt very confused about why I was me and not not-me. 

When I was about 16 or 17 all this philosophising brought me to the conclusion that there was no free will. I remember having a few different arguments as to why, and they all pointed to the fact that choice was an illusion. Maybe the whole universe is predetermined, or it could be a bit random (due to quantum phenomena or something?). Either way, as far as I was aware, there was no extra thing in the human mind that was creating choices independent of physics. I was very obsessed with this idea for a few years. I talked about it a lot and became frustrated that I couldn’t convince my friends or family that they weren’t really making choices.

One impact of a lack of belief in free will was that it caused me to completely abandon any remaining belief in a god that might punish or reward us (e.g. the Christian god I was raised to believe in). Judgement or retribution of any kind, not least from an all powerful creator, felt both unjust and pointless in a world where there were no “true” choices.

This realisation also affected how I felt day-to-day. I remember once being in goal while playing 5-a-side football. I was generally nervous in this position. The probability of making a mistake that let down my team was high; every shot from the other side was an opportunity for public embarrassment. In this context, reflecting on my lack of free will was a relief.  I remember thinking something like “ah I have no control over whether I let any goals in, I have no free will; whatever happens, happens; que cera; hakuna matata”. This definitely helped with the fear. And also helped me forgive myself when I did make mistakes. 

I still find the idea that I have no free will relieving, but I don't use it quite as much. In fact I am now more likely to draw my attention to the vast range of choices that I do have at any moment. I now regularly try to inhabit a growth, or abundance mindset that implies I have a lot of agency. Looking back, I now suspect that at many points after releasing the illusory nature of free will, I used the idea as a reason to not try. I could use it as an excuse to just relax and offer philosophical validation to the part of me that was saying “why bother”, when faced with a difficult challenge.

My mind is constantly trying to figure out what is going on

Here’s my general take on what is going on:

I am a human, and like other humans, I seem to be really really into doing a few things with my conscious experience. These things are very very useful:

• Figuring out which parts of my experience I do and don't have control over, so that I can decide how to act. i.e. a sense of agency

  • Example: “I can control my arms, I can’t control the weather”

• Figuring out which of the things I am observing are meaningful or meaningless, so that I can direct my attention towards things that are meaningful)  i.e. a sense of meaning

  • Example: “A random pattern of white paint strokes on my wall is meaningless. The words I am typing are very meaningful”

  • (this may be better described a salience, or importance, rather than meaningfulness)

• Figuring out the moral relevance of my actions, so that I can act morally, in line with my values and the values of my group.  i.e. a sense of morality

  • Example: “Me getting a drink of water is morally irrelevant. Me deciding where to donate money has deep moral significance.”

• Figuring out which things I am observing are me or not me. This is usually the most obvious one, but is clearly helpful for things like self-preservation and talking about myself to others i.e. a sense of self

  • Example: “My hands are me. My desk is not me.”

Parts of my mind are constantly doing the above work. These parts of me are largely unstoppable, and often unrecognised. They are the water to my fish. Unquestioned features of my experience that I feel deeply and which frame most of the rest of my thoughts and feelings.

But then some philosophers come along and tell me that the water isn’t real…. 

I’m trying to figure out how to be a human, but I’m stuck inside one 

A bunch of philosophy has been devoted to explaining away the things mentioned above. Many philosophers like saying why the thing I’m obsessed with is somehow illusory. For example:

• Nothing is truly meaningful (anti-realism or nihilism)

• I have no free will (determinism)

• There is no self (empty individualism)

• Morality isn't real (moral anti-realism)

I have been, at various times, very attracted to all of the above conclusions. I can’t find any way to avoid or get around the argument that these concepts are just that, concepts that my mind is using to navigate reality. No realer than my dreams, or fantasies or the rabbit in a duck/rabbit illusion. 

This is where the mistake happens. Not so much in the philosophy itself so much as my attempts to integrate the philosophy into my experience of the world.

To take the free will example. What happened when I decided there was no free will, wasn’t that I suddenly felt the truth. I didn’t start seeing myself as a marionette, completely helpless at the hands of physics. I just felt like I had slightly less control. In some contexts this was a relief (football) in other contexts (e.g. doing aversive tasks), this was a problem. Irrespective of the philosophy, some part of me is still constantly trying to figure out what I do and don't have control over. This makes it seemingly impossible to actually internalise, at a gut level, the philosophical idea that my sense of control is in some ultimate sense “not real”. 

What is the philosophy actually saying?

It’s possible the philosophers that make those points above would disagree with this. But I imagine what is going on is a bit like this:

My sense or control varies over time. This sense will depend on where I am and what I am paying attention to. This is shown in the graph below (the time period doesn’t matter, but maybe it’s an hour):

But then a philosopher comes along and is all like “hey guy, don’t you know that your mind is  actually just a bunch of physics? And don’t you know that physics obeys very well understood laws? You don’t really control anything! Here dude, I’ll add a line to your little graph:”

But then I struggle a bit. I still strongly, intuitively feel like I am in control of some things, some of the time. I feel like I control my arms and my words. I’m not sure I could function without that feeling of control. But the philosophy makes sense though! I am made of law-abiding physics! So I try to reflect on the idea and try to integrate it into my experience. The end result is some kind of weird fudge between my feelings and some idea that I have no control whatsoever. Something like this:

As I experienced when playing football, this is sometimes valuable. Sometimes, it can feel good to feel less in control, especially if the feeling of control has been pushing me towards guilt, shame and regret.

But the green line above isn’t “the truth”.

A parable of a rabbi with a note in each pocket

There is an old Jewish story that a friend told me recently (h/t Sam). It went something like this:

A man goes to his rabbi in distress. He explains that he sometimes finds himself feeling very depressed. He sometimes feels bad about himself, convinced he is worthless and useless. Then at other times he finds himself feeling high and mighty, like he’s very special and better than others. This feels good, but causes conflict with people in his life when he tries to assert his brilliance to those around him. 

“Simple” the rabbi says:

“You need two pieces of paper, one in each pocket. You can then reach into the one or the other, depending on the need. When feeling depressed and discouraged you should reach into the right pocket, and, there, find the words: 'For my sake was the world created.' And when you are feeling arrogant and narcissistic you should reach into the left pocket, and find the words: 'I am but dust and ashes.'

I relate to this story. The man is feeling a fluctuation in a different graph to me, but is experiencing the same underlying rollercoaster as I was. Instead of “How in control am I?”, the label on his y axis is something like “How valuable am I?”. He noticed that there were huge fluctuations in his self esteem and this was confusing and getting in the way of him living the life he wanted. The instruction from the rabbi is to do one of two things:

• If your self esteem very low - remember that from one point of view your life is deeply meaningful 

• If your self esteem is delusionally high - remember that from another point of view your life is essentially meaningless

The man's mind is constantly trying to assess his value in some kind of objective terms. The rabbi could have said:

“dude, there is no actually way to objectively measure the value of a man, the idea is incoherent due the inherently subjective nature of value, just chill”

but this wouldn’t have been as helpful. His mind would have still been doing the assessment that it had learnt to do. ”There is no true, objective value” would likely instead be misinterpreted by that part of his mind as “you have no value”, which given then his wellbeing depends on feeling valuable, would not be good for him.

The rabbi’s instruction instead is to try and help the man break free from the graph. The two extreme statements can in be interpreted as true, and can be used to resist the man’s chaotic emotional inertia. These two statements are a way of gaining some way to move toward interpretations of the world that are more helpful, even given that we are helplessly interpreting the world with our human minds.

How to use philosophical maximalism and minimalism as an emotional tool

More generally, the two extremes that the rabbi was using were:

• Maximalism, or infinity, or what I’ve been calling “max(object)” - where the thing you’re obsessed with is seen as being as important as philosophically possible.

  • You matter. You matter as much as it is possible for anything to matter. Your pain is real. You are a part of god or you are the universe experiencing itself etc.

• Minimalism, or the void, or what I’m calling “min(object)” - where the thing you’re obsessed with is seen as being as irrelevant as philosophically possible 

  • E.g nothing matters anyway! It is all meaningless, you are a pointless monkey on an irrelevant rock in space. Love is just electrical signals. You are lost in a void. Maybe just have fun while you are here. etc.

These two philosophical perspectives can be used strategically to feel better. In particular by reflecting on the ways in which you ultimately either have a tonne of the thing that is causing you grief max(object), or none of the thing min(object), as needed.

Depending on the object that you’re playing with (self-esteem, the self, free will etc), it’s usually possible to hunt around and find some kind of legitimate max(object) and min(object) philosophical justifications. And people do seem to hunt around for these, they seem to do it a lot….

Note: I also suspect that an obsession with one side of the min/max is a sign of some preexisting bias in one direction. As an example, if, like I did, you generally find choices scary, min(choice) e.g. “no free will” will feel really good, and max(choice) e.g. “you control everything about your life” might feel bad. If some part of you systematically feels like one side of the equation is painful, you might be drawn to philosophical conclusions that pull you towards some relief from that pain. Noticing what flavour of philosophical conclusions you feel drawn to might imply something about your emotional biases.

Another note: Someone I talked to about this post said that they think that I am doing “motivated reasoning” here. I can see why they think that - I am choosing huge philosophical perspectives based on my immediate emotional needs. But the deeper point is that I am aware that the truth about the concepts above (morality, choice, self, meaning) are too big and strange to internalise all at once. Trying to see the “truth” here is like trying to look at all sides of an elephant at once. Instead - I just acknowledge that I can’t see all of the elephant. Sometimes I’ll feel like looking at its ear, sometimes the trunk, sometimes I’ll get a microscope out and look at it’s skin cells or look at it’s genetic code; sometimes I’ll zoom right out and see the elephant in the context of its wider social group and ecological system; or zoom out further still and see it in the context of the whole flow of evolution. I have a choice over how I see the elephant.

Some examples of people philosophical min/maxing

Here is a basic table of some min/max positions 

I suspect that for this to work you need to be able to defend these positions. 

Anyway… here are a few examples of philosophical min/max I found in the wild:

Derek Parfit (in Reasons and Persons) on the emotional impact of appreciating min(self)

Is the truth depressing? Some may find it so. But I find it liberating, and consoling. When I believed that my existence was such a further fact, I seemed imprisoned in myself. My life seemed like a glass tunnel, through which I was moving faster every year, and at the end of which there was darkness. When I changed my view, the walls of my glass tunnel disappeared. I now live in the open air. There is still a difference between my life and the lives of other people. But the difference is less. Other people are closer. I am less concerned about the rest of my own life, and more concerned with the lives of others.

The meme:

This other meme:

Different generations apparently have different emotional reactions to min(meaning) for some reason…

Moral cluelessness and longtermism

You can also use this stuff in combination with some devastating effect. In the Cluelessness section of  “The Case for Strong Longtermism” Will MacAskill and Hilary Greaves explain how:

• Our actions have massive moral significance due to their effect on the well being of future humans/beings i.e. max(morality)

• We are completely clueless about how our actions will affect the long term future.  i.e. min(control)

This is a psychologically difficult combo to hear. Especially if you are a person who likes to feel in control and likes seeing themselves as a good person (like me)

Min(free will) and max(free will) come together with portals

You have 100% control of your future, but those choices are 100% constrained by your past. - max(agency) and min(agency) 

Conclusion: Dancing with infinity and the void

I have found philosophical min/maxing really helpful. Many of my negative experiences are due to me being in the grip of very compelling and specific ways of seeing the world. Playing around with the max(object) and min(object), can help me move into more helpful and wholesome ways of viewing my situation. 

Practically - I generally see bleak emotions like disconnection, loneliness, emptiness, despair etc. as a sign that I am in the grip of unacknowledged minimalism (and could do with some maximalism). And spiky emotions like fear, anger, craving, shame etc. as signs that I am in the grip of unacknowledged maximalism (and could do with some minimalism). For example, when I am scared of sending an important email for fear of it being imperfect, I reflect on how little it actually matters, and find new freedom. When I am bored and tired while riding the tube, I can reflect on the deep meaningfulness of even mundane moments of human experience, and find new beauty.

I still lose this more meta perspective all the time of course. I will always be captured by my human’y interpretations of life. But philosophy like this allows me to hold these perspectives more lightly, and to play them off against each other; to dance with infinity and the void.